Get Out of Your Own Way: How Coaching Can Transform Your Life

Let’s talk about coaching. The what, the why, and the how. I'm here to answer any questions you may have while giving you a feel for how coaching could fit into your life. Let’s start at the beginning. 

What is coaching?

The International Coaching Federation (ICF) defines coaching as “a partnership with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.”

I like to explain coaching as me helping you get out of your own way. This is done primarily by providing you with the space and time to focus your thoughts. I’ll ask you some questions, make some observations, and reflect back what I’m hearing to help you along and move you closer to clarity. The answers are already inside of you. We just need to clear away the clutter that is obscuring them.  

Coaching is a conversation. In my sessions, it has the comfort level of talking to a friend without the need for you to give the other person equal time. It’s all about you. Like a chat with a friend, there will be laughing and sometimes crying. However, unlike a chat with a friend, I have no problem embracing the awkward silence and letting you process. Here’s a little secret: I don’t find the silence awkward at all. I could sit here forever . . . I’m good, go ahead and take all the time you need for your response. 

That brings us to the ‘why?’ Why would you choose to engage in coaching? Coaching helps to challenge your assumptions, reveal your blind spots, shift your perspective, increase your effectiveness, reach your goals, improve your relationships . . . I could go on and on. Coaching isn’t just for executives. We can all use a little help to be the best version of ourselves.  At the same time, coaching isn’t just for your professional life. 

You are all of yourself all of the time. 

For example, if you are averse to confrontation at work, my guess is that you are also averse to confrontation at home. Sound familiar? Well, fear not because this means that any communication techniques or other tools you learn in coaching can be applied at work and at home. 

While the subject of the confrontation or challenging conversation will vary depending on the setting (namely, I can’t imagine you would need to have regularly scheduled career development conversations with your 7-year-old), you absolutely could employ active listening or start approaching conflict with curiosity.

My family was my go-to testing ground for practicing communication techniques and feedback strategies. Unfortunately, they’ve caught on. When my youngest was about 13, I was trying to support him through a challenge. After asking him yet another ‘why’ question, he responded, with all the angst he could muster, “Stop coaching me!” We were in the car, so I could not look at him, but I could sure hear that eyeroll.  It’s not that I’ve stopped practicing on them, I’ve just become stealthier.

Some of the most frequently covered topics in coaching center around giving feedback, managing up, increasing visibility, personal brand building, career development, and emotional regulation. This holds true whether my client is early in their career or as an executive. The list of topics we cover goes on and on. There are as many topics as there are people. While some sessions may have similar themes, no two sessions will ever be the same because no two people are the same. 

I do not bring an agenda to my sessions, and there is no checklist that I’m trying to satisfy. Remember, it’s all about you. Your agenda is my agenda and your priorities are my priorities.

I’m often asked about the difference between therapy and coaching. This isn’t surprising because on the surface, they might appear similar. The easiest way I can explain it is this: If you are comfortable and feel the need to share your trauma in order to provide some context, I’m here to listen.  However, I should not be the first person with whom you are discussing this. Often, my clients are working with a therapist in addition to coaching. This is ideal as the two practices can be complementary to one another.

Finally, let’s talk about what to look for in a coach, as there are a few things to consider. First, their qualifications: For example, I am a board-certified personal and professional coach in addition to being a board-certified health and wellness coach. I have a Master’s degree in clinical psychology. I have done hundreds of hours of training, in addition to hundreds of mandatory coaching hours as part of becoming certified and maintaining my credentials. It also means that there are two governing bodies ensuring I meet professional and ethical standards, and that require me to participate in continuous education in order to maintain my credentials. Not all of our qualifications will look exactly the same, but please make sure your coach is qualified.

Another consideration when choosing a coach is area of expertise.  Check out their background and typical client. What did they do before they were a coach? While I have an advanced degree in psychology, my professional background is corporate. Because of this, I work most often with emerging leaders and early executives. You may be looking for someone who specializes in relationships, public speaking, or sleep. There is a coach for that! 

The final consideration is overall fit. Do you like them? Can you see yourself being vulnerable and authentic with this person? If they challenge you or push back on your assumptions, can you engage thoughtfully? Please look for a coach with whom you feel you can be your most authentic self. Not just the pretty bits, but all of you.

If you want to dig deeper into what coaching would look like for you, let’s chat! You can schedule a free discovery call here.